The Conference Coach™

Carolyn Bradfield

One of the traditions our family has during the Thanksgiving break is to go find a fun movie that the entire family can enjoy.  This year, it was “The Blind Side” starring Sandra Bullock and Tim McGraw, the true story of the Tuohy family from Memphis, TN.   They adopted 18-year old Michael Oher, a talented black athlete, helped him get a football scholarship to Ol’ Miss and watched him enter the NFL as a rookie for the Baltimore Ravens.

Go see the movie.  It’s uplifting, hopeful and should get Sandra an Oscar nod.  The main character she plays is Leanne Tuohy who could likely be my personality clone.  Everyone that watched the show thought we might have been separated at birth.  Leanne is direct, assertive and lets you know exactly where you stand.  That’s also my style.  There is a formula to how I communicate, which is quite simple:

Be Direct

My anxiety rises when I don’t know what to expect from someone or when they communicate to others vs. to me.  It’s amazing how people will “back-channel” and tell everyone else of their disappointment vs. tell the person that they are disappointed in.  I always find that direct communication, when managed appropriately, is much better than airing out your thoughts with others who are not involved.

Be Honest

It’s never useful to engage in a conversation when you are hiding your thoughts, feelings and needs.  If the conversation is meant to result in some action that benefits you, being honest usually gets a better outcome.

Communicate vs. Confront

Sometimes people think that asking for what they need or want represents a confrontation and most people avoid confrontation like the plague.  However, there is a simple formula for broaching difficult subjects that helps make communication more comfortable.  Step 1 – State that you have an issue and that you need the person’s help in resolving it.  Step 2 – Detail what the issue is without casting blame.  Step 3 – Reveal how this issue is affecting you.  Step 4 – Ask for the person’s help in the resolution.

Listen and Process

Many people engage in a conversation, just waiting for the opportunity to jump in and talk.  They often miss half of what the other person is saying by formulating what will be their next sentence.  Good communicators are active listeners.  They listen, absorb, and then ask the next logical question.  The other person feels validated and often you will learn things that you need to know.

Recap in Writing

If I have a business conversation, it is my habit to recap the conversation in writing.  That way, the other person can read how I processed the information and see any action items that resulted from our discussion.  It’s amazing how this simple strategy prevents misunderstandings and makes sure everyone is on the same page.  One small note – if you have a difficult issue to resolve, don’t try and do it over email.  Start with a conversation.

Leanne Tuohy and I should meet one day.  She’s the kind of person I like.  I would always know where she stands.  Her communication is clean, honest and direct.  We should all take a lesson.

For more information about Copper Conferencing, contact a Conference Coach today.